The twist of my life - cancer v.s. marriage

The summer of 2015, while I was still experience American life and understand how Taiwanese life in the States, my mom told me she got cancer and decided to go to temple. At the same year, my mom's boyfriend who she even thinks about marrying, also got a cancer, and sadly, he passed away. My mom decides to be a nun, devoting her whole life in the temple, because she survived from the surgery of removing tumor, she thinks her God save her life. Right at the same moment, I finished my one year contract of aupair and about time to go back to my home country...TBD

 

Finding yourself back

 

After arguing with my husband last time, I felt depressed, angry and confused the next Morning. At first, I was angry...I angry that my husband giving me orders of what I should do, and him told me how I could never listened and doing something, this same conversation is over and over again.  I was angry because I don't think I will never change, the pressure he gave me made me felt bad about myself. But I don't want to let him win, I want to prove him I can make it happen. So I draw my first painting in 2020, also my first painting in 3 years. I drew the fisher wharf that I've seen everyday after quaranting at the hotel in Taiwan, it is simple and next to me everyday. And then I showed my husband I complished my very first task, proving that it is not just a word I say but I will keep doing it. The next thing I do is watching those inspirational videos, like always, I watched when I had breakfast or any meal. A while later, I found a news broadcasting a 50 year old lady who's been quanrantine for 13 days and just about to finish her last day of quarantine, died at her own self-quarantine house. That hit me, made me wonder what made this happened, I felt afraid and depressed, because I am at my last two days before my quarantine is over. Earlier before that, I did 15 mins workout, the dance work out that I enjoyed doing,  I remember every move, and I can keep up with the video while dancing. I've been watching it since two month before I flew to Taiwan. I want to make my body stronger and heathier so that I can defeat horrifying covid-19 exposure that every international traveler experience, some are lucky, but some got the virus, I felt that flying back to Taiwan right now is one of the most dangerous desicion I've every made. Of course I am afraid, I know that the key is your immue system so I worked so hard at the first week after I arrive in Taiwan, work out 30 mins to 2 hour everyday. At first, my body was so painful to move after an intense workout finishing, and the second week I felt my musle is getting used to it, my heart is a log stronger than before, all working very well to finish each task, however, when I was trying to finish very easy 15 mins workout this afternoon, my breath couldn't catch up with, I was weird out about myself and then I saw the title of news that 50 year old lady's news, I was in shock, and thinking that it could happen to any of us and I need to be more careful. The news was just too frightenging, I have to calm myself down and find the peace back to me again, so I do meditation and yoga. Suddenly I felt I am finally releaseing all my soreness of my body and then I felt peaceful. I appreciate my body give me the stregth to continue all my workout during those time, and I apologize to my body that I did not warm up or cool down my body after workout. A lot of thoughts flys to me after I processed all of the information in my brain, I realize the practice I do in quarantine makes my body different and I have to keep doing it until it becomes a habbitual thing. I drew at first, I meditate second, I now began writing. While I was processing myself during the meditation, I found my soul fly out of my body and traveling to the most beautiful places in Taiwan, a lot of memory with Wesley of our lifes, the cute little house of ourselves came to me...I think I miss my husband. But the argument happening from last night made me not want to talk to him even though I want to talk to him and listen to him. Before I write this diary, I wrote the thing I used to love when I was a child and before I get married. I know I stopped doing things I used to love, I forget the passion of my life, just being lazy and tired because of long hours of working, only buy expensive skin care products to take care of myself. I did not take care of myself, I take care of finance, I paid off my car, I have more saving and income, but I am not happy, I feel lost, I think I know why now. Four year of marriage life and five year of different lifestyle changed me, I was from no money, no friends and not knowing where to go, how to continue my hobbies, to now I can access anything and everything, but the thing to stop me is myself, the self that love to create excuses. Well, it's time to make changes, I fly  all the way back to Taiwan, to where I missed the most, in here, I can find myself back, along time makes me ponder, I will travel and explore more of myself, and return to states with stronger personality and become a better version of myself. That smiling, healthy and confident self.

One of the writing assigment on E-Zine

Christmas busy week

After the Christmas party and the good night meeting a handsome actor.

I'm going to prepare my International community building FORM, I am the host, so I have to face with hundrends of Kaoshung Government fellows.

But I haven't receive the rundown, I can just worry and figure how to perform.

The hardest thing for me is to studying, I don't have any good sense to read, whenever I read the reference book, I started asleep. I can't concentrate myself in the reading world.

But I love to read some good novels and good works. The hateful exam is going to come.

Hope I could finish all my report and essay and reserch . Hope I can calm myself down than read into my mind.

like the unexpected person

Im so happy to meet you, I like your smile, you are the SECOND one in my life sparkling eyes to me. The shiny shiny eyes, I like your eyes. The one who had strong confident so eyes filled with enthusiasm. I want to say, I like your acting in any drama. Hope to see you again.

Comment for Group 12 PSA

I like their last music, the music is lovely, however, the recording quality is bad. I can hear some noisy of their PSA. Those narrator's sound is different, some narrators make their sound loud but others are have small sound. Some of their pictures duplicate of Pet care group, more than one picture. Nonetheless, their lines are meaningful and they arouses us not to desert our pets. I think if people looks the PSA, they would think twice before they desert them.

Comment for Group 11 PSA

They plays those handicap people is fascinating. And the narrator's sound is pleasant, and the video is fluently. Moreover, they show many methods to help those handicap people. The way of the acting is vivid, but the lines of their PSA is not clear. However, the music coordinates with the sound of narrator and the photos. But the two poster is not creative, they just took pictures. Furthermore, the words of the poster is unable to understand very well. Because the form of word is vague.